I talk to a lot of clients who believe that they are being judged nearly all the time. It could be a work colleague, someone in their education setting, or even family. They start to believe that once they walk away from people or move slightly out of sight these people will start to think all sorts about them. But this is not true.
When people make you question your character, intelligence, beliefs, decisions or preferences in a way that causes shame, they can make you feel judged in a negative way. They might not intend it, but the feeling of judgement is still hurtful. But, judging someone else creates the same feelings in others.
Here are a few things to help with the way your feeling.
1. The only person who can know the absolute truth about you is you.
People can and will have opinions, but never start to doubt yourself. Have absolute faith in who you are and don’t let another’s “idea” of you become your reality.
2. Ultimately, the only opinion that really matters about you is yours.
So what if somebody doesn’t agree with what you are doing or how you are behaving, don’t feel pressured into changing.
3. People can’t “make” you feel anything. These are feelings are mainly from an underlying past, and the situation just bought them to the surface. Now is the time to stop others influence your feelings.
4. Someone else’s judgement will be far more important to you. Yes so sometimes we like people positive comments, but it is still judgement. It is so easy to dwell on the negative things, but putting negative energy into running a scenario over and over in your mind is detrimental to your health. Just think, do you believe that the person saying these things give it a second thought. Focus your energy on positive things.
5. We don’t need to try to read people’s minds. It can be easy to sense disapproval from others that may not even be there and then unnecessarily alter our actions accordingly. But second-guessing what someone is thinking means you can read minds. Be honest with yourself, can you read minds and do you have the right to put thoughts into other peoples minds?